A collection of sites
By admin | May 23, 2009
Here’s my little network of sites. I thought I would get them all together in one place. Check ‘em out! I have recently acquired The iPhone Site (below)…!
Alternative Enery Revealed
A collection of articles on alternative energy including solar energy, bio fuels, nanotechnology, nuclear fission, wind power, and more. Lots of unique products, too. This is a fascinating subject for me, and this blog has some very useful information.
Articles Free Source
Lots of information on just about anything. Great source of info for research papers, blog post, etc. You can spend hours here, and if you like to write, you can submit articles.
iPhone3G Exteme
Got an iPhone? Thinking about getting one? Lots of info about the iphone. Everything you need to know about iPhones and accessories
The iPhone Site
Got an iPhone? Thinking about getting one? Articles, product reivews, special deals. …check out this cool site about one of the coolest products this century!
MacBook Remote
Reviews and information about Apple’s MacBook. I had one of the very first Macs, and although I use pc’s these days, the mac still has the most elegant interface, plus it’s just plain fun to use.
Featured Auctions
Just as the name says, several autions featured here. Don’t waste your gas at WalMart, browse for some great bargains here.
Friends:
I am proud to be the church pianist here. Great bunch of people, great pastor, excellent music minister and <gratuitous plug> great praise band! Why not come worship with us?
My old buddy from grammar school, pastor of Maytown Baptist, writes one of the better political blogs in the internet. (he’s conservative, intellectual, sincere, and informative).
I played for this group 5 years, and they are still carrying on a tradition I love: good ‘ol Southern Gospel. It’s a unique musical style, and still popular in Alabama and some of the other southern states.
Buck Smith…he’s something like 300 years old, but still sings tenor like a teenager. One of the cornerstones of gospel music, and some of my best friends in the world
Miscellaneous
A sampling of some of the tracks I’ve done
A sampling of some of the music I have composed, some used in commercial ads.
Topics: Ramblings | No Comments »
The ultimate jam session
By admin | January 10, 2009
I thought this little video was pretty incredible…I can’t tell if it’s real time or not…still amazing seeing all these diverse players and singers coming together.
Topics: Music | No Comments »
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year
By admin | December 21, 2008
I started this little blog almost a year ago. I had stopped traveling with the group I was playing with, and I wanted to post something at least weekly. Time just hasn’t permitted…I am involved now at Spring Valley Baptist in the music ministry, which I really enjoy. I also have some other projects going on which leaves the future of this blog in question as 2008 comes to an end. Thanks for all who read my ramblings. It’s nice to get a comment, an email, or sometimes a phone call from someone who read something and wanted to say something.
Christmas is a wonderful time. It leaves me sad sometimes…so much has changed as I have gotten older. When I get down like so many people, I remember that a savior was sent to Earth to lead us out of darkness. The second verse of “Oh Holy Night” has always been my favorite:
Truly He taught us to love one another,
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother.
And in his name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
With all our hearts we praise His holy name.
God bless everyone, and shoot me an email.
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Remembering Rodney LaShum, Hinson’s pianist
By admin | December 12, 2008
I grew up around Southern Gospel music and learned to love it back before the “southern” was added. I remember the big singings at the Boutwell auditorium in Birmingham, AL. The groups in those days all had a piano player, and the pianist was a central part of the show.
And gradually groups added bass guitars, and then drums, until eventually most of the top groups had full, professional sounding live bands that toured with them. As a young kid who liked to at least try to play, and who loved music, this was a very exciting time to go to a gospel concert. These days everyone uses tracks, and although there are some great Southern Gospel groups today, I miss seeing a stage full of singers and player, and I miss the live dynamic sound that only real live players can deliver.
One of the top groups of that era was The Hinsons. They are nothing less than a gospel legend, having written and recorded several classics including the unforgettable “The Lighthouse” penned by Ronnie Hinson. And Kenny Hinson with his country soulful voice has been described as one of the best, most unique voice in all of gospel music.
And that brings me to Rodney LaShum. He played for them during a time when they were one of the foremost groups in the country. People who follow gospel music do not recognize his name like they do Anthony Burger, Hovie Lister, or some of the other great gospel pianist. But Rodney inspired a lot of people, including myself. He had a style…a way of playing that I call “sweet”, yet really can’t find the right words for. Never flamboyant, but could hit the notes just right giving some of the most interesting, beautiful licks I have ever heard come from a piano.
I first saw Rodney years ago for the first time when he was a little boy. This was long before he went on to play with the Hinsons. He was playing for a family group “The LaShums”, and if I remember correctly, included his two sisters and his mother. They were in a little church in rural Alabama in a little town called Pea Ridge, and I happened to be there to hear them. Rodney couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 since his feet would not even reach to the pedal. I was thinking, before I heard him, there’s no way this kid can play for a group..yet when he played the intro and first few notes of the song, my jaw dropped. He didn’t know it…I’m not even sure he ever knew me at all…but I went home and tried to play like him. I still do…
He played with another local group, the Royalmasters, before he went on to play with The Hinsons. AMF, when he left the pianist job with the Royalmasters, I filled the vacancy. I have played in various local groups, and a while back I was in a church in Sumiton AL where a sweet older lady came up to me said my playing reminded me of her grandson’s playing. I asked he who her grandson was, and to my surprise, she said “Rodney LaShum.” It was one of the best compliments I have ever received.
Besides the Hinsons, Rodney also played for other popular professional groups such as Greenes and the Perrys
Sadly, Rodney is no longer with us. He was tragically killed in a automobile accident on the way to a church where he worked in the music ministry. Indeed, the world lost a great musician, one that approached playing with lots of love and a unique style. The kind of musician there doesn’t seem to be enough these days.
A friend of mine sent me a UTube clip of the Hinsons with some good shots of Rodney. It’s an old clip, recorded live with the quality leaving a little to be desired. But you can get a small taste of Rodney’s playing, and you can certainly tell he loved what he did.
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Topics: Gospel, Music | No Comments »
It’s Bush’s fault!
By admin | December 10, 2008
The Bush administration is about to end, and one thing is for sure, it has not been uneventful. It came to be in the midst of one of the most controversial elections in our nation’s history with the now infamous Florida recount. “Hanging chads” are now a part of the common vernacular. The Supreme Court’s decision left a lot of people bitter, and we have a large percentage of citizens who think Al Gore was the legitimate winner. It’s one thing to lose an election, but if there is a strong feeling that the election was stolen, things will not go well. Guaranteed.
And shortly after Bush was getting settled in as the 43rd President, we had the 9-11 terror attacks. The political direction and collective focus was literally jerked into a different direction. And gradually another icon of evil was thrust into the public eye..one that we all were familiar with: Saddam Hussein. The war in Iraq that followed will most likely be the defining event of the Bush administration.
After Bush was re-elected in 2004, things began going downhill quickly. The WMD’s never materialized, and the criticism of the war rose to new levels, with some of the loudest protest being from the right wingers who had originally been very hawkish on the invasion. We saw Bush’s approval rating nosedive. The criticism began to feed on itself. Bush’s signing statements, the issue of torture, the Scooter Libby scandal…things just seemed to snowball in Bush’s second term.
Bush once remarked that the problems in Iraq were a “comma.” His critics made fun of this statement, but I actually think is was quite profound. Certainly we have had presidents and leaders that were extremely unpopular, yet history remembers them as great. And who knows how George Bush will be remembered 10…20…100 years from now? If the Iraq does grow into an influential democracy, I can see Bush as the one credited for planting the seeds. In all honestly, I cannot see that happening. I think Iran will be the major force in the region, and with a weakened Iraq will how much greater influence and power. It will be THE force to be reckoned with.
Bush leaves office a very unpopular president. The economy is in the tank, we are in debt as a nation, and we have chosen a junior senator from IL to lead us to better days. I think he is capable, but we are a divided nation with lots of problems. Whether the Bush era is just a comma in the midst of greatness…a slight regression in the USA’s leadership and innovative initiatives, who knows.
But let’s pray we are on the right course. Some of us will be gone when Bush era legacy comes to full fruition. Let’s pray that the policies young Obama puts into place lead us into a more fruitful place. When I say “God bless America”, it’s not a slogan. It is a prayer. We are a young country, and had humble beginnings. I feel we are on the brink of something big, and with God’s guidance, it can positive.
So….now that I’ve got all serious, I leave you with something from The Onion. 
Merry Christmas, and here’s to hoping you have a great ’09!
Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency
Topics: Bush Legacy, Politics, Ramblings | No Comments »
Whew!!! The election of ‘08 is over…
By admin | November 10, 2008
Robert Kennedy Predicted it!
Wow, did the 2008 elections seem like the longest election in history, or what? I don’t remember a more emotional, passionate campaign in all my life
Let me say congratulations to Barrack Obama, our new president elect. He ran a great campaign, and wish him the best as he tries to lead this country in these troubled times. As the first African American President, Republicans and Democrats alike can be proud of where we have come in terms of racial issues. As someone remarked to me, racism has not ended, but it just got a good kick in the head!
You’ve probably read everyone’s analysis of the election by now. You might even be gearing up for 2012. Well, for what it’s worth I wanted to offer a few of my thoughts and observations regarding this historic election, so here goes…
McCain is a great American.
No, I did not vote for him, but I have the utmost respect for his service to the country. And his political career has been interesting. I do remember when he was a maverick, and it’s almost funny now because at the time a lot of die-hard conservatives were making fun of that title when he ran in 2000 because they didn’t want him to get the nomination. Then in 2008, they tried to revive the maverick image, but it never seemed to get off the ground He was too intertwined with Bush.
McCain’s campaign had problems as well. I will always say the campaign brought him down…that he was bigger than his campaign, yet that aspect of his character that is “bigger than politics” never seemed to come through in his campaign. Considering he was up against a charismatic, popular opponent and was saddled with the Republican label which after the Bush administration is not a good thing, the ol’ boy fought a good fight right up till election day, and did pretty well when you look at popular vote.
America is not a conservative nation.
Forget what the talk show host tell you, Americans are pragmatic. Ideology makes for great debates and internet forum arguments, but when the going gets tough, we want what’s best for us and our children whether it be liberal or conservative. And don’t forget both candidates ran on a platform of change…not exactly something conservatives typically advocate.
I have heard conservative pundits remark that the reason McCain did not win was because he was not conservative enough, and couldn’t get the “real” Americans enthused. Of course more liberal pundits will tell you that younger people who are just now getting involved in the election process are liberal, and outnumber conservatives 2 to 1. The truth of the matter is that these things go in cycles, and over the long run America has drifted left. I see this as a trend that will continue as it usually does in developed nations.
America is a Christian Nation
The fact that one party tries to cast doubts about the opposition candidate being Christian should tell us something. You HAVE to be a Christian to be president. If there ever was a litmus test, that certainly is one. Both candidates were Christian, and we have always had, and always will probably always will have a Christian president.
Churches all across the nation prayed that America would make the right choice. Now the person in office may not believe what your denomination of Christianity believes, but I believe we as a nation will continue to pray to our Christian God, and that God will bless the nation.
Obama is not a socialist, Muslim, or radical
He’s a Democrat, and will probably be closer to Bill Clinton in his politics than William Ayers or Rev Wright. Now you might despise Democrats, but they are one of the two major US political parties and represent a lot of true red white and blue Americans. The are the liberal party in the USA, but hardly radical, and our European friends laugh when we say they are liberal. There’s no way the Democrats are going to commit suicide by have a socialist radical as a candidate.
Obama appears very pro-Israel, and while he plans to get troops out of Iraq and has been very critical of President Bush, Obama will continue the war on terror. We should support him like we should support any president in a time of war. I actually see him having more conflicts with the lefties than the righties, especially when it comes to military matters.
It’s the Economy
I wrote a post a while back called “It’s ALWAYS the economy, Stupid.”
It is my belief that most wars are fought, and most social change comes about because of economics. Certainly the economic news that came down during the election swayed a lot of voters into the Obama side. McCain might be a war hero, but the candidate that could best handle the economy connected with more voters.
Republicans still have power.
It is very unusual for one political party to dominate all branches of government. If you’re a Democrat, savor the moment because it probably won’t last…just ask Newt!
The US Constitution is a remarkable document in that it brings a balance of power to our government. As the minority party, the Republicans will be able to be in a watchdog position, and at the same time reform themselves. That’s one of the things that make this country great!
Congrats, Obama
Topics: Obama, Politics, Ramblings | No Comments »
Matt’s Story
By admin | October 14, 2008
Two years ago I wrote down some of my experiences and thoughts relating to my son Matt and an accident that happened in Nov, 1999 which changed his and all my families lives. I am reprinting it since it close to the anniversary date of his accident. Since I wrote the story below, he has continued to make progress in his speech. It’s nice because it allows us to talk with him on the phone, plus little things like being able to order in a restaurant gives him a sense of independence.
God does perform miracles…sometimes they are slow in coming. Here’s the story:
Matthew Porter’s story, as told by Steve Porter, dad.
Today is Oct 23, 2006. During this time of year, my mind flashes back to the fall of 1999. It was a different time for me, for my family, and especially for my son. As we went about our lives dealing with a senior in high school thinking about graduation, Halloween, Christmas, etc…we had no idea that in two weeks or so our lives would be literally turned inside out, and forever changed. It’s always perplexing how one unanticipated incident can so drastically alter the course of events.
For quite some time now, I have wanted to write down my thoughts and experiences about by son, Matthew. People often see Matt with me and my family and wonder about this young man in the wheelchair. I know people are curious about why he is disabled, but out of politeness, do not ask. I do not know why I feel compelled to write all this down, but perhaps it’s because I know I’m getting older, and when I’m gone there will not be anyone who has shared so much of Matt’s life…from birth to now…as I have. I knew him when he walked, talked, drove, played baseball, and did all the things a healthy 17 year old does. People that meet him now meet a wonderful person, yet do not realize what he went through to be in his current condition. Matt’s 10 year sister who was only three at the time of his accident cannot even remember Matt helping to get her dressed for daycare, and playing with her when she was a toddler.
So here is Matt’s story, told from my perspective since, well, that’s the only perspective I can tell it.
Summer and Fall of 1999
Where to start? I could go back to the day he was born..a healthy baby boy with some of the prettiest (I know, boys aren’t supposed to be “pretty”…but he was..) red hair you’ve ever seen on a baby. Most parents can relate..the birth and development of children is something old and young parents can go on an on about for hours..the hospital, the first smile, the first words, the first steps. When we have offspring, we go into a different era of our life. We cannot imagine what it was like when we had no children. After the bonding, for most if us our children’s lives become what we live for, something for which all other things in life take a back seat.
I was no different. My dad died when I was young, and having a son was a joy that can never be expressed in words. As he grew, he became my best friend, and one of my reasons for living.
But I won’t tell his entire life story. I will start at the point in Matt’s life that will forever be etched in my memory. A picture of Matt that was, but will never be again. The happy-go-lucky, smart, good looking, 230 lb 6”2” redheaded 17 year old that looks like me, but seemed to avoid inheriting some of my undesirable traits. He was tall, handsome, witty, intelligent, level-headed, and rational. Matt was one of those all around wonderful people. Things I wanted to be.
The summer of 1999, Matt and I worked on our Jeep in preparation for a trail riding event in Tennessee. He and I spent countless hours working on the Jeep. You see, Matt was one of those people that could rebuild an engine on little more than instinct, yet could help a fellow class member with their algebra homework. He was the person classmates called when they needed help figuring something out on the computer, or in the textbook. And of course, when they got stuck on the mud out on some trail somewhere, Matt would crank up the Jeep and go pull them out. He had so much potential. I know I sound like a proud parent, but Matt really was different…he could have done anything he put his mind to. Really.
Fall of 1999, Matt began his senior year in high school. This young 17 year old boy was becoming an adult, and you could see the changes. He was never talkative, and when he was younger people assumed he was shy. But now he had begun to be very personable, and downright witty. He loved his friends, and like so many teenagers, became very sociable. He began “hanging out” quite a bit…possibly a little too much. More on that later…
But with senior pictures, cap and gown, and a graduation coming up to the “Class of 2000”, life seemed to happening like it was supposed to. We had his college fund in place, and were at the point of discussing which university he would attend. Thinking back on that autumn and some of the events that took place, it literally seems like a different lifetime. It seems as if I were a different person living in a different reality. In many ways I was, and certainly Matt was.
Sept of 1999 the family loaded up and drove 150 miles to the Jeep Jamboree in Tennessee. The weather was absolutely beautiful, and Matt did much of the driving. My daughter Meigan and wife Cindy went with us this trip. As it turned out, we broke an axle on the Jeep the first day, so much of the trip was spent as family time, going to the park and doing some sightseeing around the hills of TN. It was a wonderful trip… but little did we know at the time it would be the last trip we would ever have with Matt before his accident…the accident that changed not only him, but drastically changed our lives as well.
October 1999 came and went. Beautiful weather! Matt had a part-time job, and was making great grades in school. For the first time in his life, he could see himself as an adult. High school graduation…starting a new life at college, and becoming independent from dad and his step-mom.
Nov 1999
We didn’t know it, but our lives were on the verge of a major shake-up. It seemed, at the time, the biggest issue facing us was Y2K. We were warned about planes falling from the sky, no electricity, and a breakdown of society. But what hit us, and his us very hard, was the event that happened Nov 7, 1999.
Saturday, Nov 6, 1999, Matt slept in. I decided to take the girls on a little Jeep ride and let Matt sleep. We loaded up… Meigan, and Cindy, and me, and drove down some of the trails that Matt and I had explored many times in the past. Matt and his little sister Meigan (only three years old at the time) were very close, and she mentioned Matt a lot on this ride. I told her I was not as good at navigating the Jeep as was Matt, and she seemed to understand perfectly. We drove through some of the difficult passages, and finally, after a couple of hours, decided to return home and get Matt to go with us to do the driving.
When we got back home, Matt had gone to a friend’s house. He called and left word on the answering machine letting us know where he was. This was before the proliferation of cell phones, and we didn’t have the luxury of instantaneous communication like everyone has these days. He said he would call back later. As the afternoon progressed, I got a little worried, but finally Matt called around 8:00PM. I didn’t make it to the phone, but he left a message saying he was going to the mall to get a CD, and would be home by midnight. I had just given him some money for his straight “A” report card, and he wanted to go shopping.
That message on the answering machine was the last time I heard Matt speak normally.
I had tried to wait up for Matt that night. I fell asleep on the couch, and eventually made my way, half asleep to the bedroom where I lay across the bed in my clothes. My wife was tending to our daughter Meigan in her bedroom.
Sometime around midnight, my wife woke me up. She looked panic stricken, very unusual for her. She told me there were police at the door. We both went to the door where we were told that Matt had been in a serious accident and taken to Carraway Medical center in Birmingham, AL. They did not offer much information…only that he was “unconscious.” A few days before, Matt had lost his wallet. The police had used the tag number on the truck to trace me down at my residence, and dispatched police to my house.
We grabbed a few items and began the long journey (about 30 minutes) to the hospital. My stomach was in knots. I had no idea what was going on…I cried, worried, cried…wondered..
I called Matt’s mother on my cell phone. Matt’s mother and I divorced when Matt was two years old, and Matt came to live with me and my wife when he was eight. Trying to remember phone numbers in a situation like this can be maddening, but I finally got through. She and her husband live in Jemmison, AL, and they too began the drive to the hospital.
When we finally arrived, it was close to 1:00 AM. I expected to see a doctor, but the lobby was empty. There was a bored looking receptionist at the desk, and I walked up to the window and inquired about Matt. She pointed toward a waiting room and told me a chaplain would be in shortly to talk to me.
A chaplain??? I just knew Matt had died during the trip to the hospital. I suddenly had trouble breathing, and began crying uncontrollably. The chaplain finally came in and told me Matt was in a coma. This is the first time the word was used, and I had no idea what it meant. I asked how long he would be in a coma, and the chaplain just said a surgeon would be in to speak with me shortly. We prayed, and eventually a tired looking, very young doctor came into the room.
He explained that Matt was in a coma and suffered from what appeared to be a head trauma. He said he was being sent for cat-scan, and they would know more in a few hours. In the meantime, I was told to wait.
Sometime around two or three in the morning, a surgeon came in and explained that Matt had severe bleeding inside his skull. His injury was a “closed head” injury meaning there were no broken bones, not even a fractured skull. For a fleeting moment, I was relieved since this information led me to believe the injury was not that severe. But I soon learned that closed head injuries are the worst kind of brain injury. Like any tissue, when the brain is injured, it swells. The skull is an enclosed container, and inside is a very rough texture. The brain and the inside of the skull are not meant to contact each other, but this injury caused the brain to collide with this boney, rough skull and cause severe injury. But to make matters worse, the brain begins to swell, pushing against this texture, causing more brain damage, causing more swelling.
The neurosurgeon explained that Matt’s injury was in a very difficult location. Sub dural hematoma was the medical term. There was massive bleeding in the central part of his brain, and based on the results of the MRI’s and CT-scans, there was no procedure which would be effective in relieving the brain swelling. Drugs were administered, but as was explained to us, these had only limited effect. The neurosurgeon said most likely, the brain would swell and “atrophy.” I asked what that meant, and he said “death.” In case you don’t know, the heart can continue to pump blood, and with artificial means, the lungs and heart can supply the body with the ability to “metabolize” food and oxygen. Yet when the brain dies, you are considered dead.
Regardless of how you feel about “pulling the plug” as they say on TV, pray that you never have to make this decision especially one so young with life ahead of them.
I learned that Matt’s blood alcohol level was pretty high, and he was legally drunk at the time of his accident. It seems he had gone to a friend’s house, and that friend’s parents were gone. They found a bottle of booze, and just couldn’t resist seeing which one could out drink the other. I cannot explain the remorse and anger at myself for not knowing where Matt was that night, and not keeping up with him better. Yes, I blame myself.
The next few days were a series of questions answered usually by “we don’t know”, “we’ll just have to wait and see”, and the somewhat hopeful “we’ve seen people pull through with similar injuries.” We learned that the third day was the worst, in terms of swelling. And sure enough, Matt’s intra cranial pressures started increasing sharply. I was faced with the possibly…probability of losing my son. It hurt too much to imagine.
But something happened around 1:00 am the third night in the hospital…the neurosurgeon came and told us that there had been some slight changes which would allow them to insert an instrument which would allow pressure to be relieved. The procedure is a ventriculostomy, where needles are inserted into the brain’s ventricles, and fluid is drained out through a tube. We signed the paperwork, and the procedure was done. Immediately, Matt’s pressure readings inside his skull dropped, and it appeared there was some hope for survival.
It’s hard to describe the experience of waiting when someone is in Matt’s condition. A few short visits are allowed each day. Walking back to the room where he was being cared for was at times like a horror movie. The room was dark and cold. Matt had damage to the area of the brain that controls body temperature, and he was kept on a “cold mattress”, which was like a water bed filled with ice cold water. His head was shaved, he was on life support since he could not breath on his own at the time, and there was an array of monitors which we soon learned to read, the critical one being intracranial pressure. He was for the most part, lifeless. Over and over and over I would ask him to life a finger. To blink his eyes. The only sign of life was the rising and falling of the chest as the ventilator pumped oxygen into his lungs and kept his basic metabolism going. His heart beat carrying blood and oxygen throughout his body, and there were some brain waves that registered on the ECU. Because of this, he was considered alive. But seeing someone that cannot respond, even to physical pain, makes one wonder about the definition of life and death.
We would talk to Matt. The nurses said it couldn’t hurt, and many people who come out of a coma have memories of conversations, and things going on around them. The doctors and nurses both said that it was entirely possible our voices would be heard, and would register somewhere deep inside Matt’s brain.
Matt was in intensive care almost a month, and then sent to a regular room. It became clear that the hospital was going to discharge him, even though he was still comatose. I had a hard time accepting this. According to the hospital rules, a person who breathes on his own, and has no other physical problems, is considered well, even though that person is not conscious! There have been lawsuits over this very issue, but I did not pursue any legal recourse. I accepted what the hospital told me, and prepared to bring Matt home.
There was more waiting during the two months at the hospital. Matt remained in a deep coma. His intracranial pressures gradually went down, but we still did not know the extent of the damage. Most people know what a spinal cord injury can do. A small tear in a spinal cord can cause a person to be completely paralyzed for life. That’s because cells in the central nervous system do not regenerate. Once they are gone, they do not come back. The brain is made of basically the same tissue as the spinal cord. Brain cells get destroyed, and they are gone for good. Yet the brain works a little differently. The cells inside the brain form a complicated, vast network of signals composed of neuro transmitters and receivers.
When cells, or neurons are destroyed, that network cannot function. When a network in the brain stops working, the part of the body controlled by that network no longer functions. Often it is physical: an arm that no longer works. Vision and/or hearing could be wiped out. The delicate muscles that control swallowing quit working, and a tube has to be inserted. Sometimes the effects are more subtle. Memory gets lost. Emotions get changed. The part of you that is “you” gets damaged..your entire personality goes away. In effect, you can become a completely different person inside the same body.
Yet the brain has a remarkable ability to “rewire” itself. New networks are made. Pathways are formed which can go around damaged areas. But this happens at an unpredictable rate, and sometimes doesn’t happen at all. Interestingly, the severity of the injury often doesn’t indicate the extent of the re-routing. Badly damaged brains can bounce back, while a mildly bruised brain can leave a person completely disabled.
Matt started showing signs of a brain healing itself sometime around 30 days after his injury. This was manifest by a response to loud clapping in his face, and his eyes would flutter and attempt to open. I was ecstatic when I first saw this. Finally, he was waking up! I just knew in a few days he would sit up in bed and start talking about the Jeep…maybe even return to school and get his diploma. But in the back on my head I knew something was not right…and thus began the long journey that consisted of hope and disappointment.
I had read about these types of injuries during the long waits in the hospital. Even when a person comes out of a coma, they sometimes remain in a “vegetative” state. It’s an unfortunate word, but PVS or “persistent vegetative state” is a bona fide medical condition. And even if the person does develop awareness, that person can still be left with physical and mental deficits for the rest of their lives. The PVS state was one I had trouble imagining. A 17 year old boy unconscious, yet with a healthy body. To me it seemed like death, yet with a beating heart. If a person remains in this state for a year or so, there is almost no chance they will come out of it. Matt remained this way for six months. Six months that seemed like an eternity.
January and Spring of 2000
As weeks turned into months, Matt continued a slow progression to awareness. He was sent home on New Year’s Day, 2000. He had a hospital bed, a feeding tube, and wore a diaper. He did not respond much to anything. We would ask him to lift a finger. He would not. Blink your eyes. He would not. We had therapist who came to our house to work with Matt and do evaluations. One therapist I remember vividly. He kept telling me that Matt was “in there.” We had heard so much seemingly conflicting information, I was skeptical. Yet this therapist saw something. The old saying about the eyes being the “mirror to the soul” took on new meaning. He claimed he could see a lot of awareness in Matt’s eyes.
Gradually things changed. One night he was sitting in his wheel chair. I looked at him and said: “Matt, won’t you please just look at me.” He slowly lifted his head and very deliberately turned his head toward me. At that moment, I knew he was in there.
When the brain begins to recover, it can take years. Usually the major recovery happens in the first six months, and continues throughout a two year period. But even after that, recovery can happen, although not as pronounced.
After six months, in April of 2000, Matt had good awareness. He was sent to Lakeshore hospital for rehabilitation. He was barely able to turn his head, but would do a thumbs up, and answer questions using blinks or hand movements.
October 2006
Matt made great progress from the time he was discharged from Lakeshore to the time of this writing. His personality is there, his memories are all intact. The feeding tube finally came out in fall of 2000, and he began to eat on his own. We practiced “tough love”, and made him push himself. At first he could not pass the swallow test, but we had him eat anyhow. Yes, we broke the rules, but sometimes you have to rely on instinct. We knew if we did everything the doctors prescribed, there would be no hope of Matt regaining any independence.
While Matt made good progress, his recovery has not been what we hoped and prayed for. He showers and dresses himself, but due to the paralysis on the left side of his body, he is unable to walk, although he can stand. Matt lives in an apartment by himself which is designed to be completely handicapped accessible. It is not assisted living; he is independent, yet we visit him at least once or twice a week. His his speech is slurred and difficult to understand, yet it seems like he continues to make progress in this area.
He has a lonely life, and is sometimes depressed. Yet, he is quick to laugh, and enjoys spending time with his family. When I stop and think of what life is all about, and what determines “quality” of life, Matt reminds me that it’s little things like going to a movie, listening to a song, sharing a laugh over a cup of coffee. Although Matt’s life is not one a parent would want for their child, he is with us, and there is a lot of love.
I am a Christian, but I tell you, I question God sometimes. I get angry at God. Why did God partially heal Matt? Why do others recover completely?
These are answers that will never be answered down here in this life. The old gospel song “Farther Along” which I’ve sang a thousand times comes to mind “We’ll understand it, all by and by”.
And we will. Matt and I will look back at this old crazy world someday with perfect understanding of God’s perfect plan. But until that day comes, we have to pray for guidance, and have faith that God’s actions are what is best for us.
Thanks for reading…
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